Monday, October 15, 2007

...thoughts on mothering

Having been a mom for over 3 years now, I've come to a realization about a few things that I would like to get down on "paper". So, here goes. :)

Motherhood is all about change, and it never stops. From the moment you're preggers, your life is not the same. [Not that life, non-preggers, ever stands still or anything - but being pregnant is a HUGE change!] We're talking fluctuating emotions, fluctuating hormones , the ever-expanding waistline [the one time I didn't love shopping b/c I had to do it so often!], and sometimes the swollen feet and on it goes. And from the moment that baby is born, life is REALLY never the same - not to mention the changes that goes on with your body just to get the baby out - but I'm not going to go there with this post. ;) Then after you get over those initial sleepless nights and feel like you've gotten some sort of routine down, the baby goes through a growth spurt or something else and it all changes up again. Then there are the discipline issues and then the worrying about school/homeschool and the blah, blah, blah. But in the midst of this, there is God who grants us so much grace. I've become so reliant on it these days, asking for enough grace to get through the day with the kids, to enjoy them and to enjoy the people around me, even if they don't seem to enjoy me. :) And through this change, we grow and mature and sometimes when I take a moment to look at where I was when Aidan was first born, I am definitely not who I was and that's a good thing. :)

Now that the kiddies are older, the issue of discipline crops up mulitple times everyday. ;P After reading lots about it and asking older moms about it, I've come to realize this one thing: tt's all about the heart attitude. I can say the same thing and possibly in the same tone, but if I'm truly angry inside, the kids can tell. And now that Aidan is articulate enough, he sometimes asks me "Are you annoyed?" Doh! How could he tell? All I said was "Please take your fork from between your toes and put it into your bowl." I even tried to say it without much emotion! Anyhow, so that's another area that I've been praying into - my heart attitude. And after praying more, I realize that there is still a lot of healing that needs to take place. We had gone to a marriage conference way back [more here] that spoke of how our past (from when we might be even too little to have much cognitive memory about it) can still affect you today, causing you to have strong negative emotions about situations that shouldn't cause you to react that strongly. So, praise God for being able to fix us up, even when we don't always know what's wrong!

I had spoken to other moms about this before and we all agree that motherhood is a refining process. Through the sleepness nights, transitions, discipline issues and such, we find out who we are. I thought I was a pretty patient person. I thought I was good at giving grace. I thought I was good at giving without expecting in return. I thought I loved cooking. ;) Well, you get the idea. But I would say that I discovered some positive things about myself, too. I mean, after you give birth, or even just carried your baby for 9 months, you feel like Super Woman. [And you ARE for doing so!] So, praise God for allowing us these experiences to help us become the person that He wants us to be: free, loving, compassionate, wise, strong and fully reliant on Him. :)

I am so humbled that God chose me to be my kiddies' mom - I do feel so inadequate sometimes but I remember that God calls us to do impossible things b/c He wants us to rely on Him and have peace through it all. Sometimes, it's hard not to compare to those SuperMoms out there who seem to do everything so well. But God reminded me not to compare but to bless them and do my best, giving the hard areas to Him and have PEACE. More peace, Jesus! :)

There's more that I've learned but I haven't digested it all yet. But if anyone has anything else to share, please do!


Homemom3 said...

Psst, you won a book. Head on over to check it out. :) Congrats! Need your info.

eun said...

hey jackie! i totally agree about the cooking thing...i can't believe there was actually a time that i enjoyed cooking in my lifetime.

Ashley said...

I just found your blog from my friends blog, Metropolitan Mama.
Anyways, I loved what you blogged about. I feel the EXACT same way that you do about how different life is and seems, after you have kiddos. God HAS given us our amazing little gifts..and it's an incredible rollercoster ride...raising them. I look forward to your future blogs...I welcome you to check out my blog site, Just Go For It( to see my everyday journey with my little ones:)

Stephanie said...

You said: "Motherhood is a refining process."

I completely agree. I often feel that my daughter "sharpens my rough edges." I'm certain that I would be a much more selfish, stubborn, impatient person without her. God is so good for giving me this opportunity to grow.