...can be found:
[First 4 albums courtesy of Kiley, last one by us.]
{HERE}
{HERE}
{HERE}
{HERE}
{AND HERE}
Enjoy!!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
...what you might get via email
The email that I copied below is pretty hilarious, esp. if you're already a parent. And for those that are not, don't worry, think of this as the worst-case scenario - it's usually not that bad! ;)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN
MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick
behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
TOY TEST
Obtain a 55-gallon box of LEGOs (or you may substitute roofing
tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a
blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream
because this would wake a child at night.
GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them
with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for
anything they eat or damage.
DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net
bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.
FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend
from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to
insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while
pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on
the floor.
NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12
pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00 p.m. begin
to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bag
and set your alarm for 10:00 p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and
sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more
and sing these too until 4:00 a. m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get
up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
INGENUITY TEST
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint,
turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn
it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and
a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a Ping-Pong ball, and
an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel
Tower.
AUTOMOBILE TEST
Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream
cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a
dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size
package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat.
Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect.
PHYSICAL TEST (Women)
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your
clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.
PHYSICAL TEST (Men)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask
the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store.
Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be
directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home
and read it quietly for the last time.
FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how
they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet
training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can
improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their
children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last
time you will have all the answers.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN
MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick
behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
TOY TEST
Obtain a 55-gallon box of LEGOs (or you may substitute roofing
tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a
blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream
because this would wake a child at night.
GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them
with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for
anything they eat or damage.
DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net
bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.
FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend
from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to
insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while
pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on
the floor.
NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12
pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00 p.m. begin
to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bag
and set your alarm for 10:00 p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and
sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more
and sing these too until 4:00 a. m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get
up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
INGENUITY TEST
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint,
turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn
it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and
a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a Ping-Pong ball, and
an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel
Tower.
AUTOMOBILE TEST
Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream
cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a
dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size
package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat.
Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect.
PHYSICAL TEST (Women)
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your
clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.
PHYSICAL TEST (Men)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask
the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store.
Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be
directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home
and read it quietly for the last time.
FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how
they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet
training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can
improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their
children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last
time you will have all the answers.
Friday, May 4, 2007
...what can happen when you get a ticket
Flashback: It's early March 2007 on a typical Wednesday night (already dark out) and I was going to cell group with Jana, who is starting to cry in the backseat. She likes it when I sing, so I'm belting out all these kiddie songs that I know (and I know quite a lot now). All of a sudden, I come to a sign 'Road Closed (to Thru Traffic)'. I'm not going thru and I had no idea where the construction actually is, so I'm debating whether or not I should go through. Seeing that it's already dark and I saw no detour signs and did not no the side roads very well, I decide to go as far as I can until I have to turn around. Sounds like a good plan, eh? WRONG-O! As soon as I pull past the sign, I see the flashing lights. DOH! Now, Jana is truly wailing b/c the lights are right in her eyes and I can't really get out and console her. Anyways, you know the drill - license, registration, and the flashlight in your eyes. I was so flustered I didn't really say much. After what seemed like 15 minutes, I was handed a ticket and I head home to vent to Kev.
A few weeks later: I was praying about this incident b/c I was really mad. I felt like I was treated unfairly b/c I didn't feel like I broke the law. Plus, a previous incident where I was pulled over for nothing didn't help. But I was trying to give it up to God - all my frustrations, negative emotions, and false perceptions. Then one night, I had a dream that my ticket was dismissed when I got to court. I was trying to stay positive and immediately claimed this dream.
Yesterday: The big court date finally arrives. I'm a bit nervous, esp. since I hadn't been praying all that hard. Oops. But this morning, I'm holding on, with every fiber of my being to that dream I had and also to God's goodness and undeserved grace. I'm also asking for God's favor and praying under my breath almost the whole time. I finally get to see the Prosecutor and was trying to explain myself in a not-so-eloquent fashion. He was in the middle of offering me another offense with no points, when he gets a call and gets sidetracked. But when he hangs up, he leans in and tells me my ticket was dismissed, now go wait to see the Judge. Huh? I can hardly believe it. It had come true. Oh. My. Goodness. God. Loves. Me. :D :D :D
Anyways, I'm still pretty flabbergasted when I think about it. Another lesson learned re: grace and I realized more just how much I don't deserve it and how much I'm so glad I don't have to 'deserve it' to get it. Thank you, Jesus!
While waiting for my turn to face the Judge, I was given a tiny glimpse of the Final Judgment Day when all your unrepented sins will be reviewed in front of everyone. For those that have never gotten a ticket and needed to go to court - when you're called up to face the Judge, you get your original offense(s) and also the amended offense(s) [usually one with no points if you plea bargain with the Prosecutor] read aloud in front of everyone. Then He asks you if you want to plea guilty or not guilty. But some people had pretty embrassing or silly offense(s) that they probably didn't want everyone to know about. Reminded me to go home and re-examine my life and repent of anything I haven't yet and let Him work in me to get to that point. Anyways, I'm so glad it's all done and over with. Thank you, Jesus!
A few weeks later: I was praying about this incident b/c I was really mad. I felt like I was treated unfairly b/c I didn't feel like I broke the law. Plus, a previous incident where I was pulled over for nothing didn't help. But I was trying to give it up to God - all my frustrations, negative emotions, and false perceptions. Then one night, I had a dream that my ticket was dismissed when I got to court. I was trying to stay positive and immediately claimed this dream.
Yesterday: The big court date finally arrives. I'm a bit nervous, esp. since I hadn't been praying all that hard. Oops. But this morning, I'm holding on, with every fiber of my being to that dream I had and also to God's goodness and undeserved grace. I'm also asking for God's favor and praying under my breath almost the whole time. I finally get to see the Prosecutor and was trying to explain myself in a not-so-eloquent fashion. He was in the middle of offering me another offense with no points, when he gets a call and gets sidetracked. But when he hangs up, he leans in and tells me my ticket was dismissed, now go wait to see the Judge. Huh? I can hardly believe it. It had come true. Oh. My. Goodness. God. Loves. Me. :D :D :D
Anyways, I'm still pretty flabbergasted when I think about it. Another lesson learned re: grace and I realized more just how much I don't deserve it and how much I'm so glad I don't have to 'deserve it' to get it. Thank you, Jesus!
While waiting for my turn to face the Judge, I was given a tiny glimpse of the Final Judgment Day when all your unrepented sins will be reviewed in front of everyone. For those that have never gotten a ticket and needed to go to court - when you're called up to face the Judge, you get your original offense(s) and also the amended offense(s) [usually one with no points if you plea bargain with the Prosecutor] read aloud in front of everyone. Then He asks you if you want to plea guilty or not guilty. But some people had pretty embrassing or silly offense(s) that they probably didn't want everyone to know about. Reminded me to go home and re-examine my life and repent of anything I haven't yet and let Him work in me to get to that point. Anyways, I'm so glad it's all done and over with. Thank you, Jesus!
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